Once upon a time, vodka was just vodka. There were cheap bottles of vodka and expensive bottles, and the only differences were in quality or a subtle flavor. Then flavored vodka hit the drinking scene. It started with common flavors, like lime, lemon, and orange—a bit like the flavors you’d find in a roll of Lifesavers candies or hard candies handed out by your maiden aunt.
Then, vodka manufacturers had to up the ante. They had to create new flavors and innovative tastes that would make their brand stand out among the rest.
Taste a Rainbow of Flavors
These days, you can find vodka in just about as many strange flavors as those jelly beans that come with a cheat sheet so you know what you are eating. Some people view these wildly flavored vodkas as the natural progression of things as our taste buds call out for new heights in alcohol and flavor. However, the vodka makers are eventually going to run out of flavors. Every palatable flavor will be a ‘been there, done that’ issue.
What will vodka manufacturers do when they run out of edible flavors? They’re going to turn to inedible flavors, of course. Once you starting seeing Absolut Mown Grass and Stoli Artisan Dirt, you’ll know that it has happened.
Absolut, a Swedish Vodka, is one of the most recognized brands of vodka. They have all the common flavors you would expect. Their Ruby Red Grapefruit, Raspberri, and Citron are ordinary enough to be the equivalent of your granny in her old-timey bathing suit.
Absolut’s line of unique flavors take off their tops for the cameras at Spring Break, and they’ll be damned what mom and dad would say if they knew. Absolut Hibiskus purportedly blends the flavors of pomegranate and Hibiscus—which is a tropical flower, if you didn’t know. Pretty close to Mown Grass, don’t you agree?
There is also Absolut Peppar. That’s as in red pepper, not pepper and salt; though that could be coming next. Absolut maintains that it was the first in Absolut’s line of flavored vodkas, made to help bartenders make a faster Bloody Mary. However, it probably goes well on tacos in a pinch when you’re out of hot sauce.
Absolut also has a few flavors that seem to be made with the health-conscience drinker in mind. First, there is the Berri Acai. Anyone who has ever received a spam email knows the purported weight-loss benefits of Açaï.
Then, there is the CherryKran. It has Cranberry for those drinkers who want to fight urinary-tract infections and Cherry to cover up the horrible taste of Cranberry.
Grey Goose Vodka is not quite as flavor crazy as some competitors, but they do have Citron and Orange. Stranger varieties include Pear and Black Cherry.
However, they may have some productions in the works, to catch up with their competitors. Predictions? Goose-flavored vodka. Grey Goose Liver Pate perhaps? Or something that tastes like goose eggs?
Van Gogh Vodka
Van Gogh is reportedly a top-line vodka, though they may be slummin’ it a bit with some of their 20 flavors. They have most of the standard berry and fruit flavors, but the PB & J Vodka and the Banana Vodka sound like the start to a young child’s lunch.
Belvedere positions its Polish-made vodka as the super premier vodka, for people who like vodka that is not just high quality, but also super. Their super line-up includes Grapefruit, Citrus, Raspberry, and Orange.
Then there is Belvedere IX. It’s so super that the name is in Roman numerals, not letters. Belvedere “One-X” is right on the line of vodkas that have so many flavors jammed in that your palate just might explode from exhaustion.
The ingredient list includes: açaï juice concentrate, black cherry, cinnamon leaf, eucalyptus, guarana, ginger, ginseng, jasmine, and sweet almond. Belvedere also claims that it has touches of vanilla and white pepper. Sounds super.
Three Olives is another super-extra-especially-great premium vodka; this time from America, but imported from Britain. They offer a huge line of flavored vodkas, and it’s surprising that they have not been charged with gearing their product towards children.
There is the Three Olives S’mores Vodka, Root Beer Vodka, Supercola Vodka, Chocolate Vodka, and Cake Vodka. Sounds like a sleepover birthday party! Then, there is Espresso Vodka for all the little girls who have a hangover the next morning.
Stoli is another commonly known vodka, though a it’s a bit more of an everyman’s vodka than the others. Stoli has about a gazillion flavored vodkas; it’s as if they are trying to compete with soda manufacturers for the most varieties.
Some of their stranger varieties include Stoli Sticki, a honey-flavored vodka. Remember that honey and honey-containing products should not be given to children under the age of two due to the dangers of botulism!
Then, Stoli has a few dessert vodkas that will blow vodka’s reputation as the diet alcohol right out of the water. There’s Chocolat Kokonut, Salted Karamel, and Chocolat Razberi. Sounds more like three varieties of candy bars, doesn’t it?