What Do Men Really Do at Their Bachelor Parties?

If television and movies are to be believed, every man’s bachelor party is a drunken orgy with strippers, prostitutes, celebrity guest stars, and the occasional farm animal. It turns out that this depiction is only accurate maybe 60% of the time. Or maybe a little less.

Okay, in truth, not many bachelor parties live up to their hype or the groom’s expectations. While every now and then there might be a “frat boy” bachelor party that belongs on an MTV special, the fact is that by the time most men get to the week of their wedding, their souls have already been crushed and all desire to live is gone from them. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration too, but still a bachelor party has as much of a chance of being a calm, friendly get-together as a wild party.

How Much Drinking Happens at a Bachelor Party?

None of the wild and crazy things that happen at the most memorable bachelor parties would ever take place without the addition of alcohol. Even at the more tame bachelor parties, there’s a lot of alcohol consumed in the hopes that it might transform the party into a wilder one.

The level of drinking can vary quite drastically. Sometimes it’s just a few beers around the kitchen table while playing poker. Sometimes it’s full top-shelf bottle service at the hottest nightclub in town. Of course, sometimes it’s Jello shots taken from between the breasts of a Romanian hooker—it all depends on the groom and, more importantly, the best man. The bottom line is, there will be drinking.

Are There Always Naked Women at a Bachelor Party?

How do you define naked and how do you define women? Nevermind; the quick answer is no, there are not always naked women at a bachelor party. Sometimes the groom is so in love and so completely over other women that he doesn’t want them anywhere near his party. And sometimes the best man is so lame, thoughtless, and broke that he doesn’t think to hire a stripper. In the latter case, there might still be virtual naked women in the form of a porno movie.

Now, if there are naked women at a bachelor party, the obvious question is, who are they? One classic scene in the movie “Bachelor Party” involved the groom’s friends bringing in the hot girl that the groom had a crush on in high school, which is either really thoughtful or really cruel, depending on how you look at it. It also almost never happens.

Assuming there aren’t just women wandering the streets looking for a good bachelor party to go and entertain, or there’s not a good bachelorette party looking to mingle, that leaves the bachelor party planner to search for girls to hire for a bachelor party. Since office temps usually don’t disrobe on demand, the choices usually come down to strippers and prostitutes. If a guy is really lucky, he might find the rare “crossover” talent who is both a stripper and a prostitute.

Is There Always Sex at a Bachelor Party?

So, just to take an overview, we have a room full of horny men, one of whom is about to commit to having sex with only one woman for the rest of his life. We have already established that there will be alcohol and there will quite possibly be women in carious stages of undress present. Do you think there will be sex?

Strangely enough, the answer is usually no. Most bachelor parties are about the thought of sex, but not actual sex. That’s not to say that nobody ever gets laid at a bachelor party, but a couple of circumstances conspire to make it unlikely.

First off, there’s the groom, who is presumably the one who should be having sex, since it’s the carnal equivalent of a last meal before going on a diet. Still, most grooms are more loyal than that, and despite the best urging of their friends, they won’t do anything that might destroy their marriage when their new wife sees it and reads about it on the Internet.

Then there is the woman (or women). Even the most hardcore prostitute is going to think twice about turning tricks in a party with a half dozen or more drunk and horny men—things could get out of hand very quickly and end badly for her.

Real life bachelor parties are rarely as wild as their depiction in television and film, but they still do have their moments. The two common themes that always seem to be included are sex and alcohol, although the sex is usually just a tease, like a stripper or a porno film. Even so, the party is really about a man celebrating his last night to truly be “one of the guys” with his buddies, and that might just be a night of playing cards, watching baseball, or hanging out. Every party is different, and so is every groom and best man.