Deciding what size flask you should buy is one of the most important decisions you will make this hour. It could possibly affect the rest of your life. You don’t want to buy a flask that is too small and risk not having enough to go around. Similarly, you also don’t want to buy a flask that can’t comfortably fit in your pocket or purse.
Say, for instance, that you bring your flask to your work’s annual picnic. Unfortunately, it is too small to have enough to share, and it runs out just as it gets to your boss. Not surprising, you get passed over for the next promotion. Instead of you, it goes to Perkins in accounting, who had a big enough flask to share all around.
Or, on the other side of the coin, you buy a flask that is too big to fit in your back pocket. In order to bring it along on outings, you have to get an extra bag to tote it around. The extra strain on your back means you have to skip the company field games day. Due to your lack of participation, that promotion goes to Perkins again!
The only remedy is to carefully assess your flask needs. This may or may not include complicated measurements and algebraic formulas, so get your ruler, pencil and calculator ready!
How do you plan to carry your flask?
First, you need to assess the case in which you plan to carry your flask. Whether it is a back pocket, purse, or garter belt like a wild flapper from the ’20s, you need to figure out how big of a flask you can comfortably carry.
Get out your tape measure or ruler to measure the space where you will carry your flask. Obviously, someone with a larger backside will be able to carry a bigger flask; it is one of the few advantages of being a hefty individual! Similarly, a clutch purse will only accommodate a tiny flask, whereas a big tote purse will allow you to cart around a monster flask.
What are your liquor needs?
Next, you need to evaluate your liquor needs to ensure that you get a flask that is big enough to meet them. Examine your daily drinking habits to establish this important number.
First, how often would you need your flask? Once a month? Only on the weekends? Or every day? The frequency of use that you experience on a day-to-day basis will have a lot to do with the size of the flask on which you eventually settle.
You might be confused on how to measure your daily intake; if so, follow these steps. To start, every time that you have a shot or a mixed drink, write a tally mark on your forehead in black permanent market. If there is a time when you would have taken a drink if you had a flask, then put another tally mark on your forehead.
Keep this up for an entire week. After seven days or so, count the tally marks on your forehead in the mirror. If you have less than three tally marks on your forehead, then you can get a smaller flask. A shot of liquor can be anywhere from one to two ounces; a six-ounce flask holds around four shots.
If you have ten or fewer tally marks, then you should probably get a larger flask, somewhere around eight ounces or more. If you have 20 marks or less, then you will need a bigger flask and you might have to refill it once or twice a week.
If you have 20 or more marks, or your forehead is so covered in black marker that you cannot tell one tally mark from another, then perhaps you need to consider rehab. Just sayin.’ If you find that you don’t need a flask so much as a barrel to carry your liquor around, maybe you need to evaluate your priorities.
Obviously we are not recommending using a real black marker on your forehead – please retake an IQ test if you think we are serious here.
Should you accessorize with your flask?
Now that you have a size for your flask in mind, you should also think about the design of your flask. It should reflect your character and personality. If you are a straight shooter, no-frills kind of person, then a simple steel flask will do.
If you like to live a little dangerously, then a black leather flask will proclaim your intentions of joining a biker gang just as soon as you buy a motorcycle and learn to ride it. If you are a worldly traveler, try a flask with exotic flair. Or, if you just want to dance, dance, dance, then you should feel free to get a flask bedecked with sparkly rhinestones.
After you have completed all the steps, you will likely find the perfect flask. It will seem as if it was made just for you in Flask Nirvana. Enjoy!